Wednesday, 6 December 2006

I Have A New Hero

Or rather a new heroine.

First came Joseph Pugol. This French Fartiste became an overnight sensation in 1890's Paris after demonstrating his new stage act, which involved his unique ability to produce a variety of sounds from his rear end.

Closer to the present day came comic book hero Johnny FartPants. Star of Viz magazine and the front of many a t-shirt, Johnny's problem manifested itself in an ever increasing variety of ways with each new episode. So popular was this character that his name has found it's way into English folklore, an appellation given to any poor soul unable, or unwilling, to control the effects of excessively gaseous stomach contents

And so to my new heroine. Yesterday a flight from Washington to Dallas was brought down by a farting woman. Yes, forget air-rage, terrorist threats or even UFOs with death rays, this woman managed to ground a flight by simply letting rip. The flight had to be diverted to Nashville after passengers reported the sulphuric smell of burning matches to the crew. All passengers were taken of the plane and sniffer dogs were used to locate the source . It turned out that our unnamed heroine was so embarrassed by her "problem" in the confined space of an aircraft cabin that she had been lighting matches to try and burn off the smell.

You have to feel for the poor woman, accidentally letting an SBD escape in a crowded lift (that's el-e-va-tor for our American readers) simply pales into insignificance in comparison.
After being questioned by the FBI the woman, suffering from an "unspecified medical condition" was thankfully released without charge. Or maybe they took the easy option, realising that no prison cell could contain someone with such invincible power.

Reporting of the story varied, the BBC going with the rather staid but factual "Flatulence leads US jet to divert" whilst Metro lead with the far more interesting "Flight grounded by farting woman" . I would imagine as I write, Hollywood moguls are already planning an adaptation of this story for next years summer superhero blockbuster.

So next time Mrs W complains about me blowing the duvet off the bed I shall remind her that there are far worse consequences to, what is after all, a perfectly natural, and necessary, bodily function.

And a very tenuous link to this story gives me an excuse to post a picture of the gorgeous Jenny McCarthy . I just love her outlook on relationships, namely, and I quote, "My philosophy on dating is just to fart right away" . How many big mistakes - not to mention insufferable pain - could be avoided and and how much wasted time could be saved, if we all got to know each other so well so quickly ? After all there's nothing like getting it all out in the open is there.

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