A Night At The BBC

On Sunday we travelled up to London to the home of the good old BBC. I'd registered on their website for audience tickets to watch shows being recorded and had been allocated 4 for the recording of the 5th episode in a new situation comedy, Miranda, staring Miranda Hart.

We had a great evening. The show itself had us all in stitches,although I suspect that this was more to do with watching it live, with accompanying mistakes and ad libs. I suspect the finished article won't seem quite so funny - but then not many sit-coms do in their first series.

It was fascinating watching how the show is put together. It's obvious that actors have to rehearse their lines , but only when you watch a recording does it become apparent quite how many are involved behind the scenes, and how much they must have rehearsed to ensure that everyone is in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. This doesn't apply just to those making the programme but even the radio controlled team ensuring the audience don't end up anwhere they shouldn't. It also came as a shock how small an area the sets take up - what you see on screen is pretty much all there is, not an inch of space is wasted.

There are many gaps in recordings as are things are moved around and scenes are reviewed and reshot. The whole evening is "held together" by warm-up man - sorry, Audience Liaison - Ray Peacock. He had the unenviable task of acting as an ad-libbing, audience-involving, stand-up comedian with the added hassle of being told to stop immediately, even if mid-joke, when the others were ready to shoot again. He coped admirably and I have a feeling we'll be seeing more of this guy in front of the cameras sooner rather than later.

And a tip if you ever get the chance to attend a recording, get there early! Like scheduled airlines they give out more tickets than there are seats and it's first come first served.

Dear UK Press and Media ....

...... so the publicity grabbing, attention seeking, couple of media whores that are Katie Price and Peter Andre are splitting up.

A statement from them reads that they "have both requested that the media respect their families' privacy at this difficult time".

Please, please, please, I beg of you, not for their sakes but for ours, grant them their wish.

Stacy Hedger

Never heard of her ? Neither have I.

But my Mum has.

She seems to think that because I "go on the internet" I've seen everything on it. She heard something about Stacy Hedger being on the internet and thought I would have seen it. Apparently, according to Mum, she's a violinist. Close - but not quite Mum !

One google search and a few seconds later and I know all about her now.

Here she is in all her glory. Enjoy ! :-)

Elvis Lives - yawn

No !. He doesn't.
The guy died 30 years ago. I'm sick to death of hearing about him - yet again - this week.
Ok , he might have been original when he first hit the big time - original in a "white man steal black man's music" kinda way - but he was never more than an average pub singer talent wise.
I'm sure the biggest reason for the longevity of his popularity is that damned anagram.

Big Respect To The Arctic Monkeys.

Tomorrow sees a series of worldwide concerts under the banner of Live Earth. Yet another cynical attempt by pop-stars to promote themselves to a world audience whilst patronising their fans with claims to support the latest cause.

It's no secret that I think the global warming/climate change theory is a load of bollix, having been measured over far too short a time scale to indicate anything other than a "blip" on the millions of years of our climate history. But that's not the argument here, it's the hypocrisy of the stars taking part that gets to me.

So how refreshing to see the Arctic Monkeys (among others) criticising the event. As they point out, they are always jetting around the world nowadays, and their latest stage show uses enough energy to power 10 houses and that's just for the stage lighting alone.

Pop stars who practice what they preach - what a novel idea. I might even buy one of their records out of respect.

Sold Out? - Clearly this is one group that hasn't.

Paris off to prison

After shamelessly ensuring that her incarceration was timed for maximum exposure in the weekly celebrity magazines, Paris Hilton is finally behind bars.

Hopefully the L.A. County Sheriff has made sure the bars in the cell windows are extra close together otherwise the skinny "famous for being famous" bimbo will be slipping through them in no time.

Marc Hom - I Thank You

Marc Hom is an excellent photographer.

I confess I have never heard of him till now, it's just an excuse to reproduce a couple of his excellent photos of the lovely Victoria Beckham.

Surrounded By Women

I was given 2 free tickets for a night at the theatre, it would have been daft not to use them. So last night Mrs W and I put on our finest and went off to see ........... The Vagina Monologues.!

I had a rough idea what it was about, having checked a few reviews online. Although a few early ones mentioned "anti-men" later reviews mentioned men "laughing loudest". So I thought I'd pluck up courage and brave it.

As we approached the theatre there were women everywhere. A whole coachload had just arrived and small groups huddled outside the entrance. I kept my head down as we walked briskly through the foyer and headed for the bar. I felt like a negro entering an Alabama drinking den. Whilst supping my (manly) pint of lager a quick game of spot-the-lezzer was proving just too easy although I was thankfully reassured when I heard the one with the beard speak, I wasn't alone after all !

Once we took our seats a quick look round the theatre made me realise that there were plenty of men there. Probably outnumbered about 30 to 1 but in a theatre the size of The Mayflower that's still a fair few, although I doubted that there would be much of a queue for the gents at half time.

The show itself, starring Sue Holderness, Jerry Hall and Claire King was great. It would be no good going if you don't have an open mind. At times the stories were very poignant, whilst much of it had the audience - including me and all the other men - nearly wetting ourselves with laughter. When I say nearly I think one women a few rows in front of us actually did.

If you get the chance Id recommend seeing it. But any gents going, make sure you take a lady with you.

Oh - and I learnt quite a few new words last night - I thought it was us men that were meant to be the crude, filthy minded half of the species

I Have A New Hero

Or rather a new heroine.

First came Joseph Pugol. This French Fartiste became an overnight sensation in 1890's Paris after demonstrating his new stage act, which involved his unique ability to produce a variety of sounds from his rear end.


Closer to the present day came comic book hero Johnny FartPants. Star of Viz magazine and the front of many a t-shirt, Johnny's problem manifested itself in an ever increasing variety of ways with each new episode. So popular was this character that his name has found it's way into English folklore, an appellation given to any poor soul unable, or unwilling, to control the effects of excessively gaseous stomach contents

And so to my new heroine. Yesterday a flight from Washington to Dallas was brought down by a farting woman. Yes, forget air-rage, terrorist threats or even UFOs with death rays, this woman managed to ground a flight by simply letting rip. The flight had to be diverted to Nashville after passengers reported the sulphuric smell of burning matches to the crew. All passengers were taken of the plane and sniffer dogs were used to locate the source . It turned out that our unnamed heroine was so embarrassed by her "problem" in the confined space of an aircraft cabin that she had been lighting matches to try and burn off the smell.

You have to feel for the poor woman, accidentally letting an SBD escape in a crowded lift (that's el-e-va-tor for our American readers) simply pales into insignificance in comparison. After being questioned by the FBI the woman, suffering from an "unspecified medical condition" was thankfully released without charge. Or maybe they took the easy option, realising that no prison cell could contain someone with such invincible power.

Reporting of the story varied, the BBC going with the rather staid but factual "Flatulence leads US jet to divert" whilst Metro lead with the far more interesting "Flight grounded by farting woman" . I would imagine as I write, Hollywood moguls are already planning an adaptation of this story for next years summer superhero blockbuster.

So next time Mrs W complains about me blowing the duvet off the bed I shall remind her that there are far worse consequences to, what is after all, a perfectly natural, and necessary, bodily function.

And a very tenuous link to this story gives me an excuse to post a picture of the gorgeous Jenny McCarthy . I just love her outlook on relationships, namely, and I quote, "My philosophy on dating is just to fart right away" . How many big mistakes - not to mention insufferable pain - could be avoided and and how much wasted time could be saved, if we all got to know each other so well so quickly ? After all there's nothing like getting it all out in the open is there.

Oops she did it again !

So poor old Britney has "suffered" the idignity of the paparazzi catching her "going commando" on a night out yet again.

How many stars have these "unfortunate" incidents happened to now. ? I use the inverted commas as I find it hard to believe they are not deliberate. It seems that time and time again an actress or singer in need of a bit of publicity gets caught accidentally suffering a nip-slip, a wardrobe failure, or the new piece de resistance the gash flash . Nothing is guaranteed to get people talking over their cornflakes more than this. And what cheaper - and I use the word in both contexts - type of publicity could they get? There is no way that such "superstars", with their lives run for them with advisers would a) dress in such a way, b) go to places known to be haunted by paparazzi and c) act in a manner that such an "accident" could happen without a great deal of forward planning.

I'm not going to post the latest pictures here. Suffice it to say that anyone who still hasn't seen them should have no trouble finding them. The latest Britney pics are so detailed that it wouldn't surprise me to hear that her make up artist (certainly her hairdresser wasn't required) quickly touched up certain areas just before the photographer snapped away. The photos are so well lit and so detailed you can clearly see every intimate detail. The scar from her c-section which she obtained giving birth can be seen in sufficient clarity to be used in a obstetrics teaching lecture. In my opinion there is no question they had to have been deliberately posed, or taken by a 2ft photographer with some of the best camera equipment known to dwarfdom.

Now whilst I am a great admirer of the female body I do prefer to leave something to the imagination. And I thank the Lord that this practice is restricted, so far, to our female so called celebrities. The day I open a newspaper over breakfast to see Robbie Williams getting into a taxi with his cock hanging out is the day I stop buying papers.

Children In Need

Once again the annual event BBC''s Children In Need comes round. For me it's part of my autumn ritual, Halloween, Bonfire Night, Children in Need. An excuse, as if I need one, to plonk myself down onto the settee for 7 hours of continuous viewing. And, as if to justify it, it's all for a good cause.


Every year (if I can) I watch it, and every year it's the same. A mixture of decent acts promoting themselves under the disguise of helping a charity, and other performers prepared to make fools of themselves to entertain the public - the Newsreaders efforts are always enjoyable especially bearing in mind their performances in relation to their normal "day-job".


I always watch in the hope that some massively entertaining cock-up will happen, yet year on year it seems to get even more professionally produced. In the earleir years it was the amateurishness of the show that gave it's appeal (no pun intended). There's always the thought that being 7 hours of live tv something earth shattering will happen, it never does. Except once, when apparently late on in the programme many years ago Joanna Lumley performed a live sponsored strip - and I missed it.!


And as always it was all held together by the master himself, Sir Terry Wogan. Along with Eurovision, this will simply be no longer worth watching if the master of the self-effacing ad-lib ever decides to call it a day. In years gone by he made a great team with Gabby Roslin, this year I would say he managed to survive it despite the hindrance of Natasha and Fern - if these are BBC's "anchor" females for the future God help us.

As usual I managed to fall asleep before the end but having fast forwarded through the last 2 hours on video I know that the total had exceeded £18m by the end of the programme, a new "on the night" record. And quite rightly it all to goes to UK charities. I am sure that some of this appeals funds used to go abroad, I could be wrong ( I noticed that Terry quickly corrected himself at one stage from "children all around the world" to "of the UK") but in my opinion charity should begin at home. The efforts of the fundraisers and the willingness of the general public to donate year after year never ceases to amaze me.


Three thoughts from last night.
1) What on earth was Fern wearing in the first half ?
2) When they do the regional round-up why does my region - BBC South - always look like a school production in comparison with otherr regions?
3) Could it be the "random" prizewinner of the drawing up of a family tree coming from Norfolk was a fix. Surely that area of the country comes up with the easiest family trees ever. As the song goes,

"Your father is your brother,
your sister is your mother ......"